At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
