All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
