So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
