i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
