i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
