Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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