I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
