youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
