I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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