her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
