i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
