You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
