now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
