i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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