I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
