The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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