Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
