The maid of honor just puked.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
