dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
