Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
