you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize