why didn't you poke me back
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
