I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
