I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Randomize
