i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
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WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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