There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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