You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
