i already hear my dad disowning me
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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