I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
