but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
