i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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