The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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