I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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