dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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