i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
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One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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