my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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