Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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