Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
