i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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