i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i think i have two assholes
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My dick has a subreddit
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
