South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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