Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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