I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize