well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Drunk is a universal language darling
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