Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
