This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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