dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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