I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
