guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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