Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
