I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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