how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You left your phone here
Wait...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
