Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
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I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
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I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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