Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
