My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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