Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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