i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
