You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
