i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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