my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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