So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
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I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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