I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
