I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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