WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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