We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
