I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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