New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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