i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
